October 7, 2015: from me to him
From my desk I can see how neat and clean the apartment is. The dining table is shiny, the laundry is folded, the carpet is vacuumed, the floors are clean, the refrigerator contains things you like, and four cases of 6 pack small bottles of Pellegrino have made their way into their respective waiting areas (both the fridge and the top of the small green armoire — which is my pantry). It is like the entire apartment, its contents, and its resident are anticipating your arrival.
When the hands of the clock rest at the 6 o’clock position tomorrow night I will know you are very close to being here. Just before 8pm you will let yourself into the building through the front door of the building and then you will buzz my apartment. I will peer into your clear blue eyes for one long profound moment and will suddenly remember every inch of you. I will remember your kiss long before your lips find mine.
I cannot wait to wrap my arms around you and know you are okay. It saddens me to hear you feel ill. We don’t have to do any running around if you are not up to it. It will be wonderful to just be together. Sincerely, we don’t have to do a thing. You making it to my apartment will be more than enough. You know this.
389 love letters and counting. How astounding this is. It is difficult to believe there exists over 300 pages of letters written by two people who hadn’t seen each other in 35 years. And who, for reasons which seem quite mysterious, find they will not be separated — not by distance and not by time.
Am so happy to read my love for you transcends any scar tissue. This is how I feel about your love for me. Like morning dew. Like morning dew. That is how our love settled into each of our hearts. It has been the most natural process I’ve ever experienced.
These are the first words you wrote that captured my heart:
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.”
And today I say to you:
“When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.”
So in love. So very much in love.